I Don't Do Months

Here’s me surrounded by moms before I had a kid:

Mom #1: He is adorable!

Me: So cute! I love his shoes!

Mom #1: How old is he now?

Mom #2: 28 months.

Me: 28 months…damnit…division…12 goes into 28 how many times? 12 goes into 28…

Mom #1: God bless him, he’s so big.

Me: 12 goes into 28…okay, 12 doubled is 24… 24… 24…

Mom #2: Yeah, he’s tall for his age.

Me: 28 is bigger than 24!

Me: Oh! So, he’s like twoish?

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Now, here’s me the other day at the supermarket with my kid:

Nice Lady: Awww! She’s precious.

Me: (big goofy mom pride grin) Thanks.

Nice Lady: How old is she?

Me: shit…May is 1…June is 2…no, wait…June is 1…July makes 2…August, 3…September, 4…

Nice Lady: Just listen to her talk!

Me: So, 4… add 4 to 12…wait, no, it’s October, so that’s 5…okay, 5…5 plus 12 is…

Nice Lady: What lovely eyes! Are they grey?

Me: 12 and 5 … add 5 to 12…

Me: She was one in May.

************

Ok, so here’s the equation:

x  x y¹⁰ = z

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And here’s the way I figure it out to be:

x = I only have a rough idea of what today’s date is

y = I suck at math

z = I can’t do that months thing

***************

Ergo, here’s my solution to the problem:

My daughter is one. ONE! One year old. Just one. Then she’ll be two until she is three. 

Comments

[slackermommy]

OMG! Your killing me! I have a hard time keeping my kid's birthdays straight. I look like an idiot when I'm asked for their dates.

[Oh, The Joys]

I can SO relate!

[Pecos Blue]

I can't agree more the months thing esp. after one year drives me nuts.

[jen]

EXACTLY. I mean, wtf...you are laugh out loud hilarious.

[izzy]

lololol...have you ever seen that skit on SNL where the adults are referring to their ages in months? Hilarious. This reminded me of it!

[Antique Mommy]

So funny! Good gravy I stink at math. I use my calculator in the drive-through to make sure I get the right change (which will not surprise my 6th grade teacher). And these parents that report their kids age in months beyond the first year should be sentenced to hard time at Chuck E Cheese.

[Mommy off the Record]

This is me every time someone asks me Little Guy's age. Right now, he's 15.5 months and I never know if I should say 15 or 16 months (round up or round down). For some reason it totally stresses me out when I'm asked!

[bubandpie]

There's also the whole issue of when to switch from weeks to months. I did it at around 12 weeks, I think, but I wonder: why can I effortlessly keep track of how many weeks along I am throughout my pregnancy, but then have no idea of how many weeks old my children are after about three months?

[Tuesday]

I am SOOO with you on that one.
Also the months/weeks pregnant thing always confused me, because isn't 40 weeks 10 months pregnant??

[Momish]

Izzy, I did not see that SNL. I am sure it was a riot!

Also, MOTR, you bring up a good point about the half way marks. Now that you mention it, I think I can probably swing doing the one and a half thing. But, halves when it comes to months? That would push me way over the edge!

BudAndPie: The pregnancy thing is easy because Pampers.com emailed me ever week to fill me in on what week I was at!

[Paige]

I'm with ya girl. I'd like to know which idiot came up with the rule that we had to spend the first couple of years fumbling through this sort of higher math (all math is higher math to me...might as well face it) just so we can communicate with other moms.

[Sparky]

hmm, math, why I dont do the "monthly" wedding anniversaries. LMAO

[Kristi]

Oh My God! The nail on the damn head, perfectly.

Congrats on the ROFL for this one too!

[Patrick Perrotta]

Oh my Lord, did you make me laugh! Before I ramble, YOU sound like an AWESOME mom, GOD BLESS! I am a 1st generation, Chicago Italian Dago with 3 kids(hey, I CAN SAY THAT!! lol). When you described your VEG-IT-TOB-BULL- experience, I had to bust a gut. My grandfather(Italian immigrant-go figure!) ORDERED me to get him Rappinni (Don't know if S. Philly has them, I love S. Philly, my Lawyer Partner lives by GENO'S Steaks) but we were in my lake house in Central Illinois (Deliverance Banjo's should be going off in your head right now) and I came back with frozen Broccoli and he had a fit! I said, PaPa, this is all that store had.. He said I'm Going Home, so he left for a 3hr. drive back to Chicago by himself!! Since he couldn't cook with an Italian theme 300 miles from Chicago, he was insulted!! So I feel for your herb story.
By the way, you are prettier than Molly Ringwald, and look like a typical pretty, Italian woman. By the risk of not hearing the Banjo Music again...You resemble my sister.
I really know you are an Italian girl when you said you like to wear your wristwatch on the inside of your wrist. My mom always wore it that way and when questioned by people, she answered, " Because my boys give me soo mucha trouble, I have to go to church-a and make-a pray, so I know how long each verse-a of the Rosary is when it is here in back of my wrist!!! Bet you never heard of that one, but I'm sure it'll hit home. Obviously, I don't even know you, but you have a great sense of humor, (Ran across it by a Google Search) but from one PAESANO to another, BUON NATALE from PASQUALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!