Being a social butterfly has its many advantages.  One such advantage is that you hear a lot about other people who are rather removed from you emotionally.  This can be tedious at times, but also can really work for you when things happen in threes. 

For instance, say one day you hear about a tree falling on someone’s house.  “What a pity!”, you say, and then move on to the next bit of news on the list.  But then, maybe a day or so later, you hear about another tree falling on yet another person’s house.  That’s when you start thinking, “Oh shit. This is not good.”  Because these kinda things happen in threes. So now your mind goes wandering crazy, and you start taking second glances at all those sinister trees hovering over your house, just waiting to instill disaster upon your life.  You figure your chances are 50-50.  The next one to go could be you, could be some other poor sod.

Here’s where being a social butterfly comes in handy.  For every person you gossip with talk to, for every blog you read, for every conversation you eavesdrop on overhear, you exponentially lessen the chances of that third unfortunate person being you.  It works, if you put your mind to it.  If you start reaching out to all the people you know, dropping hints left and right, then eventually you will most likely hear those magic words.

“Speaking of trees, did you hear about…”

I know it seems callous and cold hearted.  But if you were to be brutally honest with yourself, I am sure you would agree with me.  Because when you get right down to it, wouldn’t you rather have that third tree fall on Aunt Matilda’s butcher’s brother’s neighbor’s house than your own?  I’m just saying.

I also try to pass along such news as well, whenever I think about it and it seems as if it can help.  For instance, after I put my poor Thai to sleep, I made sure I mentioned it and spread the word all around.  This way anyone that heard about my cat biting the dust, just upped their pet’s chance of survival by another 33.3%.  Long live Fluffy!

However, sometimes I get a little anxious about these strange things that happen in threes, especially when the luck is swinging the other way.  Like now. This is why I may be laying low for a while.  You see, I recently heard about two people winning what I consider to be a lot of money.  Money I could surely use right about now.  I figure the less people I talk to, the less blogs I read, the less eavesdropping I do, the less of a chance I have of hearing about that third pot of gold landing in someone else’s greedy hands. This social butterfly is heading back into the cocoon. I am gonna work real hard on keeping the odds in my favor so that Ed McMahon comes a-knocking on my door.

So there we were minding our own business, going about our normal daily routine exactly like we always do. My husband was cooking dinner, while I was setting the table. Piper was in her high chair, quietly singing to herself.

la la la di se da, la tra la la soo saaa…

My husband began to drain the pasta. He carried the heavy pot over to the sink and poured it out over the sieve. A cloud of steam rose up and surrounded him.

“Shit!”, he yelled, “Damn that is hot!”

When Piper saw the steam, her eyes opened wide, “Oooooh”, she said and then returned to her singing.

shit di de la , shit tra la dooo daa shit shit…

Two seconds later, I put the bowl of sauce on the table, placing it down just a tad too hard. It splattered all over, including onto my white blouse.

“Fuck-ing-A!”, I yelled in disgust.

Piper paused for a split second, pointed to the spilt sauce, “Uh-oh!”, she said and then went right back to her singing.

fuck aye di da de shit , la la fuck aye la doo da shit…

And that was how it happened.  Out of the blue, just like that.  One day you are swearing away like a drunken sailor, then BAM, SPLAT, KABOOM! Suddenly your glorious days of care free cursing have come to a bitter end.  Naturally, we are devastated. Our house seems so quiet and empty. All we can do is mope around, silently mourning our loss.  Please, in lieu of flowers or sympathy cards, we simply ask that you dedicate your next heartfelt expletives in our honor.

Ok, so this part of the post is solely for my benefit. I just need to get this down in writing so I can refer back to this from time to time. That is what blogs are for, right? Personal accounts mostly for your own records. So, here it goes:

I had a cigarette yesterday. I cheated. I broke down. To be perfectly honest, this is not the first time I have lapsed. It is, however, the first time I have lapsed and DID NOT ENJOY IT! And that my friends is the important part. That is the part I need to have in writing.

That cigarette made me light headed, my knees buckle and turned my stomach. I could barely finish it (although I did). Anyway, it is worth noting just in case I get weak again and believe that a cigarette is exactly what I need to make it all better. It did not make it better.  [Personal rant over. Note to self: Remember this post, you nicotine junkie numnut.]

On another note, my latest quitting stats are as follows.

Free and Healing for One Month, Twenty Seven Days, 16 Hours and 22 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 9 Days and 16 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1392 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $293.34.

If you don’t count the cheating I have done here and there, these stats are pretty impressive. Well, for me that is. The money saved is valid, since I have not bought any cigarettes (only bummed my cheating smokes).

$293.34 (!) -> I do believe a shopping spree will be on the agenda for this weekend. 

In fact, there is a lot of good stuff on the agenda this weekend, including DANCING!  Yeperdoodle, my mother is coming into town and playing babysitter tomorrow night so we are headed out for a romantic Thai dinner with friends and dancing afterwards!!!  Oh yeah baby! Now that is the kinda time out mama is talking about!

Can I get a whoohoo?

WhooooOOOOOooooo HooooOOOOOooooo!

C’mon people, help me sing it to the world!

Ma ma se, Ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa!

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, Ma ma coo sa!

Have a great weekend all!

Both rockin’ real moms Heather the The Queen of Mayhem (who longs for simpler days) and Paige of The Avery Lane Experience (who wears gold lame) tagged me for Kristen’s Real Moms Meme!  I couldn’t resist this meme because I do consider myself a real mom (as opposed to those fake bitches over in Stepford).   I have a muffin top like Kristen, I need support like Oh, The Joys, I have an active fantasy life like Crank Mama and I have clutter like mothergoosemouse.  I also give myself time outs.

Because, lets face it, real moms take time out to just chill.

Real moms recognize that they are not perfect, that they have limits and those limits are too often pushed to the max.  Real moms know that by having a child they became a mother, not Mother Theresa.  Real moms understand that they need moments to themselves where they can calm down, regroup and reflect. Real moms make sacrifices, but also demand what they have earned.  Real moms appreciate the necessity of punishment, but also the power of reward.

Real moms give time outs, but take them as well.

Two minutes for you…

Forty for me… 

Real moms…using that good old double standard for all its worth.

Check out all Real Mom truths over at Kristen’s place.

I tag real moms Slackermommy, Ann(ie), Venessa, Becky and Mad Hatter!  (If you want and haven’t been hit up already!)